The Music Tank

Welcome to Week 13 of Stranger Than Fiction. I’m a superstitious kind of guy. I had to spell check the word superstitious just now. Hey Fake, did you know the spell check is trying to correct the code too? Anyway, I am superstitious and I just know the 13th week of STF can’t be good.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF MY INVOLVEMENT WITH THE MUSIC TANK

I discovered the Tank back in 2000 and threw some news Fake’s way, enough to annoy him and let me just post on the site. We’ve gone through editors, layouts and members even a closure but we’re still here. Fake’s been good enough to let me post what I want when I want, so I don’t have to post about what I don’t care about. So let me give you some idea on who runs the Tank here.

Alright, now that my half assed attempt at humour is over, on to the rest of the bullshit!

NEWS WORTH MENTIONING THAT I STILL DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT

• Slash and Scott Weiland are in a war of words about Velvet Revolver. Whoopie.
• Mariah Carey now has more #1 hits with “Touch My Body” than Elvis. That’s okay because I’m a Beatles person myself. If you didn’t catch that reference, go watch Pulp Fiction.
• 50 Cent wants to evict his ex-wife and 10 year old son from his house. I have no comment
• Jay-Z and Beyonce got married. Next!

MORE PETA SILLYNESS

If you read my article last week, you know about PETA’s offer to Aretha Franklin, now something to Miss Spears.

From 411mania:

Britney Spears has been offered a ‘virtual receptionist’ job with PETA. The troubled singer, who has been criticised by the animal rights group for wearing fur and buying animals from pet stores in the past, has been contacted by PETA president Ingrid Newkirk offering her the position and the chance to raise $1,000 for her favourite charity.

Newkirk wrote in a letter to Spears, “You would see - from the inside - why we are so concerned about issues like fur and homeless dogs and cats. As a thank you for your willingness to learn and help, we would donate $1,000 to a children’s charity… We might have criticised you in the past for contributing to the dog overpopulation crisis and wearing real fur, but perhaps now that your own crisis has abated, a new day calls for a new relationship, a new outlook and a new understanding.”

Newkirk was said to be “very impressed” by Britney’s performance on TV last week, and thinks she would be a welcome addition to the PETA team. PETA is yet to receive a response from Britney.

If you can think of a witty response, please register to our forums and let us know! Seriously though, I think PETA is fucking weird and I hope I don’t get any tidbits on them again anytime soon.

FEEL GOOD HIT OF THE SUMMER

Yes! I’m amped about this one. It’s good. Honest!

From Music News:

Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger was convicted of drunk driving by a Canadian court yesterday.

According to the Canadian press, “Kroeger…had almost twice the legal limit of alcohol in his system when he was stopped for speeding in Surrey, British Columbia, in June of 2006.”

Escaping jailtime, the Canadian Press says that he faces a fine or a suspended drivers license when he is sentenced on May 1st.

Send him to jail! Keep him from putting out same album again and taking up precious airtime on the radio! My friens who work jobs that can only listen to modern rock radio will thank you.

From Fox News:

In his upcoming autobiography, Bobby Brown suggests his ex-wife Whitney Houston led him to drug addiction: “I never used cocaine until after I met Whitney. Before then, I had experimented with other drugs, but marijuana was my drug of choice,” Brown writes in Bobby Brown: The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But, out next month, “At one point in my life, I used drugs uncontrollably. I was using everything I could get my hands on, from cocaine to heroin, weed and cooked cocaine.”

Houston’s publicist issued the following statement about the book: “Miss Houston is sad that Bobby feels he needs to say such things but she chooses to take the high road and will not speak badly about the father of her child even if it’s to set the record straight.”

Brown says his 15-year marriage to Houston “was doomed from the very beginning. Within the first year we separated, with several more to follow,” Brown writes. “I think we got married for all the wrong reasons. Now, I realize Whitney had a different agenda than I did when we got married … I believe her agenda was to clean up her image, while mine was to be loved and have children.”

Fox News would post about how a woman is the source of all problems. Very Republican. Alright, so my American politics jokes aren’t up to par, bite me.

From Allhiphop.com:

Rapper Lil Wayne, who is known to carry a Styrofoam cup around constantly, is finally taking the steps get himself off the southern cocktail known as Syrup, or sizzurp. Syrup is combination of Promethazine, Codeine and a mixer (usually juice or soda) that grew popularity in the south and was made famous by Wayne and other southern rappers.

“I saw a doctor - he gave me pills, told me, ‘This is what you take to get off it,’” Wayne said. “I never tried them. If them b***hes work, then I probably gotta start. Other than that, it’s gonna be hard. What a n*gga told me to do is start lessening my amount. So what I do, I tell motherf*ckers as to pour it for me instead of me pouring it…I be patient.’” As told to Vibe Magazine (May 2008 Issue)

Most recently, Syrup contributed the death of Pimp C, one half of the rap duo, UGK. While the substance itself wasn’t the culprit, the combination of it and having sleep apnea proved to be deadly for the Grammy nominated rapper.

That’s one hell of a drink.

BLACK MAGE TRIES TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO WORK SOURCE CODE

Alright, so there’s a video on YouTube of Amy Winehouse yelling at cabdriver because he was an hour late that surfaced last week. I know you don’t want to see it, but it fits my theme and I can try my hand at finally putting in a damn video properly.

I hope that works. If not, the link is here.

Hey, we can have a new slogan now.

The Music Tank: We’re human too.

I THINK PETE JUST SECRETLY WANTS TO BE A WOMAN

From Music News:

Pete Wentz loves wearing women’s clothes. The Fall Out Boy rocker, who is dating singer Ashlee Simpson, has confessed he is always stealing clothes from his girlfriend’s wardrobe: “Anytime I’m wearing anything I’m probably borrowing it from my girlfriend.”

This is not the first time Pete his revealed his love for women’s clothing and accessories. He recently revealed he likes to wear shoes from Ashlee’s older sister Jessica’s US footwear range: “I love Jessica Simpson’s stuff, especially the shoes. I dance around my house in them all the time.”

Pete, 28, also wishes men’s fashion took more risks, and is envious of the clothing available to women and added: “I don’t know if I would really consider myself fashionable, but I think that fashion is kind of an awesome way to project who you are inside, and I really, really like going to fashion shows, and I really like women’s fashion. I wish men’s fashion had more risk-taking going on.”

Look, I’ve got nothing witty. Check the bolded title, that’s about all I got.

HANG IT UP ALREADY

Alright, perhaps the most frightening news I can post. Nevermind all the other bands that I’ve mentioned before, this one should have stayed dead. I spit on MTV for providing this snippet.

The late 80’s early 90’s Boy Band is getting back together. Donnie, Joey, Jordan, Jonathan and Danny made the official announcement yesterday on the “Today” show that they have been recording another album and will likely tour later this year.

They are set to return and perform on “Today” on May 16th.

New Kids on The Block? Fuck off! I’d best not say anything bad of them though, they might try and step by step all over my ass.

I’m out. Truly with that last bit of news, sometimes truth is Stranger Than Fiction.